"Whatever you're doing"

I've heard this song quite a few times, but on Friday it resonated with me in a totally different light. It's funny the ways God can reach out to you in times you don't expect it. I'm listening to this song and the lyrics cry out to me; "It's time for healing, time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long."

I've spent the past 15 years not wanting to heal, not wanting to let go. Ever since my mom and my biological father got divorced I've held that pain, that hurt, inside and didn't let it go. I went through my childhood years not ever facing it, not to mention my crazy teenage years. Anytime I would think about my biological father leaving the country I would bury those feelings in my mind and my heart. I wouldn't face them. I didn't want to feel weak or sad.

I haven't talked to my biological father since I was six years old, and anytime I would see someone else going to visit their dad (if their parents were divorced) I would get so mad inside, almost like a spitful jealousy. Though the funny thing is that I never want to see/talk to my biological father again.

I have a dad, Rick, that God intended to be my father before he was born. He's the BEST dad ever. He's been there for me through my heartaches, and through the bad times I've gone though. I've put my dad through some pretty harsh things, yet he has a continual love for me. I am so thankful that God put him into my mom's life, and made him a part of our family!

My dad helped me realize something about two weeks ago. He helped me to see that I truly never let go of my biological father leaving the country. I have always had a fear of abandonment because of it, and I've started to realize that it is affecting my relationship with my father, and it will affect my relationship with any guy that I meet.

This song (below) has helped me to see that I need to let go and let God work in my heart. It's time for the healing to begin.

If there is one thing I could say to my biological father it would be this..."Thank you for leaving me. Thank you for giving me away. Thank you for never coming back." I am thankful that he left the country, I am thankful that he left my family, and I am thankful that he never came back. I don't even want to think about the person I would be if he was my father, and I am so glad that I never have to think about that.

I have the best father in the world, and for that I am eternally grateful to God.

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) lyrics

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

[Chorus]
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

[Chorus]

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out